i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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