My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
