JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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