Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want a musical about memes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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