The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
