You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
