A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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