Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am puke
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
People in love make me want to vomit
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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