i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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