he puts the penis in happiness.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
