Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
