yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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