she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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