I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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