Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
