im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
