Cold hands, warm shart.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
