We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
