I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
