Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
