She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
