Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize