Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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