We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
