speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
