yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
