I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
