Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
