id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I could fuck to npr.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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