my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
