I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
