her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
NoShamevember. You game?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
