no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ruined the universe
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
