im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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