He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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