I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
