it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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