Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
