I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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