I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
