I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
