What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize