You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
