the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
