Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He did a backflip because drugs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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