Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
