First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
