shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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