That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
