I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
