I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
