Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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