you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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