Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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