everyone is single if you try hard enough
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
