Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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