Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize