Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize