Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
