I like to think it a success when the cops are called
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
