I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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