we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
