Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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