So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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