Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
