he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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