I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
