none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
