can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
