thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
