Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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