My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
