We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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