It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
