escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
NoShamevember. You game?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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