Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
