Having a random hookup so left but love u
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
